It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
