i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize