Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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