This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
