He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
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