its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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