this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
