So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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