just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i think my cat just said my name.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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