i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
