If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize