Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
