He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
