Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize