bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
