wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
