you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
