I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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