before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
