K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
