I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
