This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
