don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
