we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
