I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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