Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
