Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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