during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
