I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
