I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
