He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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