now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
