Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
