Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
