i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
