Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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