someone get that fucking seahorse.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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