Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
