i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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