well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
