Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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