I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
then he tried to convert me to islam
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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