fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
