I'm sorry my penis didn't work
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize