wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
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