Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
