They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize