Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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