were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
