Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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