bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
