i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I bet he comes in French.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
