did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Found the puke drawer
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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