Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
