This show inspires me to have sex in space
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
