my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
