dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
