I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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