I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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