And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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