just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
