If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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