i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
